The internet is full of selective sharing. It’s been used as the reason for the increase in anxiety and low self-esteem. Literally, at our fingertips is access to the “best bits” of everyone we care to follow, subscribe or be a “friend” to.
The difficulty with selective sharing is that is it wrapped up in being a bad thing. Sometimes people are only comfortable with sharing one aspect of their life. Because they are worried what people with think of the other part. It was only a few years ago people were complaining about all the sad stuff people being shared. Only that time it was called “attention seeking”. No ones life could be that bad.
Ultimately, no matter what you share someone will have a problem with it. And because I don’t want to be a hypocrite I had to evaluate what I was, and was not, sharing. It’s true there is nothing on my social media which could be perceived as making my life look better than it is. But what I share doesn’t portray the whole story either.
And that has been holding me back from being as consistent as wanted to be this year.
What I haven’t shared is that last summer (Summer ’17), my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 Ovarian Cancer. And later that year the doctors confirmed what I had suspected for a while, that my dad has Parkinson’s Disease.
Both of these diagnosis’ hammered home the immortality of my parents. I am under no illusion we will all live forever. But I never thought about it happening as much as I didn’t think about it happening. If that makes sense.
Since then it has been an uphill battle to manage my thoughts and keep focus.
The long term statistics for my mum are scary.
So scary I will leave you consult doctor google and nurse nhs to get the facts. Ovarian Cancer is not as well known as Breast Cancer and not as widely tested for as Cervical Cancer so you will be forgiven for not knowing much, or anything about it.
I didn’t. Until last year.
Because the long term is scary, I focused on the short term. The first treatment, the first week after treatment, the first month, 3 months. Then it was Christmas, New Year, and finally; after a rollercoaster the surgery.
It was about 6 months after the first treatment my mum had her surgery
And I felt like I got my head above water. I thought I was fine. But knew deep down I wasn’t. Aside from everything that was going on with my parents and all the thoughts and emotions that come with that. I have my own life, you know. Trying to make something of myself with this borrowed time. And build a life with my boyfriend. Battling with work politics.
It’s so easy to say family is the most important thing and all that other stuff doesn’t matter. But it does.
I have a real problem with all the expectations and connotations that come with the word “family”. But I will share that with you another time.
So what now?
I want to use my blog to share more. There will inevitably be selective sharing going on in the background. But it won’t be to deceive you. Or to portray my life as perfect and amazing. It will be because not everything will be relevant. Sometimes selective sharing is necessary. I’m sure there are a number of people we wish would share less.
Until next time.
If I can see it in my mind. I can hold it in my hand.