I am the only one

I expect too much from people. I expect everyone to know the difference between right and wrong and chose to always at in the right. I expect everyone to know themselves well enough to know when they are acting out of sorts and correct their own behaviour accordingly.

I expect too much.

And I find it so hard not to. Because I am like that. Always chose the right thing, even if that means I will be at a disadvantage. I know myself. So I am always aware when something is not quite right. And I do something about it, or a least try to. Even if it is to my disadvantage.

It’s true, I do.

Working on putting a positive spin on my current situation is hard. One moment I feel like things are working out, the next minute I want to scream with rage. It’s not good for my mental or physical health. If I had my way I would leave, but I have responsibilities. So I remind myself that it’s temporary and I have to commit to getting out, to get out and stay out.

It is at that point worry and doubt raise their ugly heads and start questioning, what’s the plan? What are you going to do? What if it doesn’t work out? How long is temporary?

I do what I can to keep them at bay. But after a day at the 9-5 when all day you have bottled up how you feel for the benefit of others. Even though they don’t consider your feelings in their actions. The desperation to get out now, now, now is all consuming. Which only fuels worry and doubt.

I am hoping this blog will help me to take more control of my emotions. Each post can be a reminder of what’s happened and a declaration to what is to come. Everything happens for a reason.

The only one who can change my situation is me. I have highlighted the problems and now I need go tackle them head on, because clearly not doing that is not helping. If I try something different and it does not work, oh well, failure is not failing to succeed. Failure is not being willing to try.

If I can see it in my mind. I can hold it in my hand.

A x


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