Embarrassed or Ashamed

This week has been tough. I was really ready to jack it ALL in. Move back to my parents and just hit refresh. Or stop.

Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine someone close to me would have experienced the exact same thing, at the exact same time. But someone did. It was through talking with them that I realised I need to stop worrying about feeling embarrassed for chasing a dream and start worrying about feeling ashamed for not believing in myself.

I have half-heartedly maintained a blog and YouTube Channel for roughly 4 years. The content on both platforms has never really been what I wanted it to be. Initially I was nervous to make content that I wanted to because; would anyone watch it? Or read it? What if someone I knew read it or watched it, would their opinion of me change? Would I unintentionally shatter this perfect smoke screen and expose myself as a fraud?

So I decided to make content that was close to my interests and already popular so I could piggy back on that success. Which worked for a while, it helped build my confidence, develop a structure, learn new skills and slowly my original desires for content began to resurface. Along with it came new nerves. How can I create that content now if everyone is expecting X, I can’t just give them Y…

After the week I have had. I don’t care anymore.

Everything comes down to choice. If I continue to choose to live my life in accordance with what I believe will make other people happy, I will never be happy. And that doesn’t make me a selfish person. The very fact that I care about other people is evidence I am not selfish. It is however unrealistic of me to think I can be happy living my life in accordance with another’s expectations.

I like a good analogy so think of it like this. When driving your car (if you have a car) you are in control of the vehicle and responsible for what happens. Your passenger could look out of their window and say that it is clear to go. Their expectation would be for the car to move forward. But in your window you can see there is a car coming. Do you do what the passenger says, or do you wait?

Of course you wait.

What I am trying to say, in a traditionally long winded way, is other people’s opinions are just that. Opinions. Another person can not tell you how to live your life because they are not responsible for you. They can not see what you see, they can not feel what you feel.

Embarrassment is external and lasts a few seconds. Shame is internal and can last a lifetime. If you focus on the external and neglect the internal, you are on a sure fire path to unhappiness and an unfulfilled life. Believe in yourself and trust that as you take purposeful steps towards fulfilling your goals, everything that you need will come to you.

“If I can see it in my mind. I can hold it in my hand.”

Until next time



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